Forgiveness

It is not in our human nature to forgive. We are attacked, we defend ourselves; someone treats us unjustly and we want justice done to them; someone is mean to us and we want to hit back. Even as the event recedes into the past we keep it alive with fantasies of revenge.

Yet Jesus was clear – extremely clear – that we need to forgive! And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 11:25)  

Forgiving Others

God has told us in no uncertain terms to forgive. It is true that God does not automatically forgive everyone ever born. He is very clear that people must accept Jesus Christ as their Savior before they can be forgiven. But last time I looked I’m not Jesus and neither are you. We are to forgive the people who hurt us, just as Jesus gave grace to the crowd who crucified Him.

This can take a long time! A great injustice or hurt done to you or someone you love is hard to forgive. So is a long history of small slights, which can build into towering anger and resentment. In these cases the ability to forgive starts with the will to forgive, and a lot of ongoing struggle in prayer. God will give you the grace to forgive, but you must come to a place where you are ready to start. Remember that your lack of forgiveness is unlikely to hurt anyone else but you, certainly not the person who hurt you!

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-16)  

We also forgive so that our own prayers will be answered. Apparently God is not big on answering our prayers when we refuse to forgive someone. Remember that this is for our sakes; we will be stunted and unhappy if we refuse to forgive.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Mt. 18:21-22)  

The Hebrews used the number 7 as a number of perfection. Peter really thought he was being very generous with his example of 7 times, since the Jews also believed that you should not forgive the same sin more than 3 times. After that many times, it was clear that the person would never straighten up and fly right. So what does Jesus say? Something radical! “Not 7 but 70 times!” This is the “perfection of perfection.” And do you know where it comes from? Because God forgives us again, again and again, and a good thing too. Can you imagine if God only forgave us 3 times, or 7 times, or even 70 times over our whole lives?

When you have been damaged by someone doing something that hurts you, we do have to make a choice between deciding to forgive and feeling that we are ready to forgive. Although forgiveness can help us to feel better in time, we cannot afford to wait until we feel emotionally ready to forgive. Forgiveness is first and foremost for the Christian obedience to God and his command to forgive. Secondarily we know that our lack of forgiveness stunts and embitters us.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)  

Forgiving Ourselves  

The command to forgive extends to us too. We find a sort of “reverse holiness” in not forgiving ourselves even when we have asked the Lord to forgive us. This is of course utterly ridiculous. “How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” (Heb. 9:14)  

In Col. 3:13 the Greek root of the phrase “one another” and “each other” is heautou, which includes us! “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)  

We confess our sins and they are done! The sins we did not know we did are also covered if we accept Jesus Christ and His forgiveness: “Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.” (Heb. 10:19-22)  

Do not fall into the twin errors of not forgiving others AND of not forgiving ourselves. The lack of forgiveness is not righteous anger, discernment, or repentance. It is turning our back on the beautiful gift of God: Forgiveness. Grace. Redemption. 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”