Forgiveness is Not a Dirty Word

Forgiveness. It is not in our human nature to forgive. We are attacked. We defend ourselves. Someone treats us unjustly and we want justice. Someone is mean to us. We want to hit back, even as the event recedes into the past. We keep it alive with our revenge fantasies.

Yet, Jesus was extremely clear that we need to forgive. Mark 11:25:  And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

God has told us in no uncertain terms to forgive. It’s true that God does not automatically forgive anyone ever born. He loves us, but he’s very clear that people must accept Jesus Christ as their savior in order to be forgiven.

But the last time I looked, I’m not Jesus and neither are you. We are to forgive the people who hurt us just as Jesus gave grace to the crowd who crucified him. This can take a long time, a great injustice or hurt done to you or someone you love is hard to forgive. So is a long history of small slights, which can build a towering anger and resentment.

In these cases, the ability to forgive starts with the will to forgive — and a lot of prayer. God will give you the grace to forgive, but you must come to a place where you’re ready to start.

Remember that your lack of forgiveness is unlikely to hurt the person who hurt you! The feeling of refusing to forgive feels powerful.

It’s not. It’s only tearing you up. It doesn’t hurt its object. It just hurts you. And I’ll tell you something, if the person you’re angry at wanted to hurt you in the first place? Well, your lack of forgiveness makes him very, very happy.

Is this what you want? Of course not!

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)  

Honestly how much clearer could Jesus be?

We also forgive so our prayers will be answered. Apparently, God is not big on answering our prayers if we refuse to forgive someone. Remember — that this is for our sakes! We will be stunted and unhappy if we refuse to forgive. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Mt. 18:21-22)

The Hebrews used the number seven as a number of perfection. Peter really thought he was being very generous with his suggestion of “seven times.” The Jews believed that three was plenty, in fact, you really should not forgive a person after three times. After that many times it was clear that the person would never straighten up and fly.

Sounds good to us!

But what does Jesus say? Something radical: not seven, which was already generous by Peter’s lights; but seventy-seven times – in other words, keep going. Don’t stop.

It sounds impossible for us to do – except that God forgives us again and again and again! And the good thing too! Can you imagine if God only forgave us three times or seven times or even 77 times over our whole lives?! Very frankly, we’d never make it into heaven!

All right then, how? When you have been damaged by someone else, it’s hard to let those feelings go. But forgiveness isn’t a feeling, although when you do forgive you will feel more at peace as you go along.

Forgiveness is a decision.

We cannot afford to wait until we feel emotionally ready to forgive. Forgiveness is first and foremost obedience to Christ, and his command to forgive.

Secondly, our lack of forgiveness stunts and embitters us. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13).

And while I’m at it, when you ask God for forgiveness for yourself, forgive yourself too! We tend to find a sort of bizarre reverse “holiness” and don’t forgive ourselves even when we have asked the Lord to forgive us. This is of course, utterly ridiculous. “How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death,[a] so that we may serve the living God!” (Heb. 9:14)

Do not fall into the twin errors of not forgiving others and not forgiving ourselves. The lack of forgiveness is not righteous anger, discernment, or true repentance. It is turning our back on the beautiful gifts of God: forgiveness, grace, redemption.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful. And just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

I know forgiveness isn’t easy. Believe me, I know.

When you do decide to extend forgiveness, you may find that your decision brings immediate peace.

Or you may will to forgive, then spend years praying to God to help you do it.

So give yourself a break. If you want to forgive, if you’re trying to, if you cry out to God that you need his help to forgive, that is what he asks. What he will not accept is our blatant refusal to forgive. If Jesus Christ forgave the ones who killed him, and if he forgave us, can we do any less than forgive like he told us to?

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